I think im going to throw up on grandma
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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