What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
