just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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