How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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