I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
