My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
