You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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