i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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