Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
