Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
