I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
