Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
