At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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