I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
