She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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