Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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