I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
