THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
