you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
