You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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