god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
