I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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