jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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