I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize