Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
