Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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