She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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