"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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