Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
