Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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