I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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