i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
