first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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