just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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