You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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