Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
