So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
