Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
