I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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