It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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