dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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