I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
