They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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