we have officially lost it.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
