Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
