this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize