My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
