I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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