She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
