one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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