She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
