At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
