so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
