I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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