I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
