Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
