For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
