lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
