I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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