@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
