does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
