Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize