Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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