guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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