Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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