oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
