I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
